The Affects of the Pandemic

I'd be lying if I said that I was not affected by the pandemic. Granted I was one of the lucky few to still have my job and not have to worry about losing my home, but there are so many other ways that I have been affected. I might have my job, but I am furloughed, this meaning that I am currently not working but am still employed. It's great news to know that once this is all over I have a job to go back to, but knowing that my job is there makes me miss it so much!! There have been so many times I would walk into my store and just want to cry because I just want to feel the magic of working again. On top of that, I am still single. Now there is nothing wrong with being single. Get to drool over whatever new famous guy there is out there, or even just the random person walking down the street where you can think to yourself nice hair or nice eyes since that's all you can see right now. But what is really making me hate being single right now is that for some reason a lot of friends during this pandemic are getting in a relationship, getting engaged, or even getting married. Now yes I am very happy for them, I like their posts on Facebook, I comment congratulating them, heck I even threatened my best friend's new man. However, it does make the person whose single go "where's my happily ever after" and well that person is me. During a pandemic having someone doesn't sound like such a bad idea because being home alone 24/7 can suck and that has kind of been my everyday routine. I wake up look at my phone for an hour then look on my laptop for another two hours, once I've built up enough strength to go down to my kitchen I finally make some breakfast or just grab a granola bar and then sit down and go back on my laptop or watch some TV. The day repeats itself over and over again, and it wasn't till recently that I realized my life sucks right now. Or at least whatever life I think I have does. After I thought about that it reminded me of something that my mom had said to me and it was just you are getting depressed in this house. At first, I was like nah I'm a really happy person, enjoying my time, where I basically do nothing all day, but then after realizing how bad my life is I just went oh crap I am depressed. It was a hard realization, I cried that night I went to bed, it was the only thing different from all the other days. I had no idea how sad my current life status was making that I just bottled it all up and with just one thought all of these realizations just came spilling out. I called my best friend the next day, she automatically knew something was wrong, and all I could say is that I was noticing how all the people around me were doing something or have someone, and how most of them were happy and how I just wasn't. I WAS NOT HAPPY! and to be honest I still am not happy. I'd be lying if I didn't say that I have cried multiple times within the past couple of months, but if I'm being honest sometimes it feels like that's the only emotion I am currently capable of. This is something that I feel a lot of people have been facing throughout the pandemic. Just the feeling of being alone and having way too much room in your mind to think about whatever the future might be, or at this point if there even is a future for all of us, or if this truly is the end of the world. I just hope that whatever is happening in this world, in your life, in my life, that it will get better. It may not happen today or tomorrow or really anytime soon, but that eventually we can put this pandemic behind us and be able to live our good lives again.